Thank you, Voltaire.

"The perfect is the enemy of the good."

This has been knocking around in my head for a few days, mostly because of that list of things I mentioned in the last post. Not so much the refinishing of the trim; that's going to be a learning experience no matter how I slice it. (I've enlisted a high-school friend who now lives in Seattle and knows her way around a piece of wood for help. Facebook has its uses!) Not the hat. There's a difference between fussing because a hat isn't PERFECT and fussing because a hat isn't WEARABLE. The hat is not meant to be a work of art or a statement on society's subjugation of the innocent...it's meant to keep my head warm, and so changes had to be made. I mean the things that didn't make it onto the list.

I spend a lot of time tap-dancing around things instead of DOING them, because the time isn't right, or the day isn't right, or the house isn't in order, or the moon is in the wrong phase (not really, but you get my drift). I don't ever want to start something unless I know I can finish it, and finish it well. REALLY well. And there's a lot of creative things out there that don't lend themselves to being "finished." They're about process, not product. Creativity is about doing ... muddling ... fiddling ... messing...leaving...returning. But there is a product at the end, and if the final product is less than satisfying, it engenders the next exploration.

I find that I can sit down and MAKE something quite easily. Give me the yarn and needles and directions and I'm off. I can modify as needed and finish and be pleased with the product. But I have the urge to CREATE as well, and that makes me nervous at the same. I know it'll be messy. I know I'm likely to make mistakes and possibly gasp waste materials. Because, you know, the world may run out of wool and onion skins and walnut hulls if I'm not careful. It may not be right the first time I try, and then what will I do with the pile of crap that results? Throwing it away would be wasteful and keeping it is a reminder of my screw-up. It'll take time, and time is precious, and using that time on screwing up is a poor use of time. You need to have something to show for your effort, and why bother showing crap?

And so I have to have The Perfect Environment in which to work. The house needs to be tidy first, which it never is. I realized the other day that I spend more time organizing my stash than I do using it. (OK, it was for the GOOD of the stash, it needs PROTECTION from MOTHS, alright?!?) Since when is washing the dishes Sooper Important? When it's used to postpone something that makes me uncomfortable, of course; even if that is something I desperately want to rediscover in myself. I have to be perfectly rested in order to begin. Yeah. Well. (You can all stop laughing now. I know.) I've thought that the need to have the house tidy was a way to control some of my anxiety, and I'm sure that's part of it. But it's also a defense mechanism, a stalling technique against myself.

So back to Voltaire, whose quote graced the beginning of the post. What my heart wants is to create freely, to welcome back the girl who wrote plays and puppet shows and figured out how to sew a 12:1 scale-sized mattress for a dollhouse bed (with the side panels and everything) without a pattern. I remember that, and I remember throwing a few of them away. It didn't matter; it was only for me, to see if I could do it (and also, if I didn't figure it out, I wouldn't have one). The Perfect, the need to have it just right for someone else's approval (who else's? I don't know), stands firmly in the way. It eats up my time and my energy. It doesn't mean that I shouldn't aim for quality in my work. But it's time to realize it's a multi-step process; that I have all the time I need to take as many steps as I need; that no one is standing behind me with a stopwatch. I am the only thing in my own way. Experience is a teacher, not a slave-driver.

Now, given this realization...in that last stash organization I mentioned, do I get credit for throwing away three skeins of obviously-felted KnitPicks laceweight from two summer's ago dyeing experiments? Huh? Do I?

First of Many

There's a good 364 of them left, too. (Is it a leap year? Can't be, 2010 isn't divisible by 4. Someone straighten me out if I'm wrong; I'd hate to leave out one poor lonely day.)

GIven that last year feels like it stalled around April 6 or so, when my first mortgage went down the crapper (feel free to check the archives if you're new or want to relive the hysteria), and didn't regain much momentum until...um...perhaps Thanksgiving, I am relieved to begin a new one. I know it's just another day on the calendar in reality. Twenty-four hours doesn't make that much of a difference...unless we choose to make it so. I honestly have just recently begun to feel like this house is MY house. Despite the curtains I made, and the very little painting I've done, and the pretty new bathroom, my start here was so distressing that it really put a pall on the new-homeowner experience. It's finally, finally starting to feel different. I think putting up my first Christmas tree in three years went a long way in putting my stamp here, even though it too was a temporary marker.

I had some pretty grand plans for this past week, between Christmas and going back to work on Monday. Firstly, I had to finish my sister's blanket, which I did last night. (Pictures to come. I discovered that the blanket is essentially the same color as my carpet, so once it's dry, I'll drape it on the dark blue love seat.) I have cast on for Dad's sweater. The swatch was a success in both tension and washability, and I think he's going to like it a lot. He won't be wearing it until next winter (52"chest), but he won't be able to shrink this one. I also decided I wanted to...

*sand and possibly seal the stripped trim around the door
*paint another room
*make the curtains for my office (just one window, luckily)
*finish a hat for myself (one that nearly derailed any hope of finishing any Christmas knitting)
*really start spinning the fiber I want to use to make the Vine Yoke cardigan for this year's Ravelympics

With a whole week off, and no ankle-biters at my house, this should have been a SNAP.

Oh, the hubris.

Well, not hubris. Not really. I didn't overestimate my abilities; I am quite capable of pushing myself to some pretty crazy extremes to finish things once I get my teeth in them. What I didn't count on was the depth of my tiredness. I didn't need naps (except for the first couple of days). I needed sitting. I needed to not be in constant motion. It finally occurred to me that I essentially work almost six days a week, when you add in the time I spend teaching private lessons. I had decided a while ago not to teach this week. That's one of the smartest decisions I've made in a while.

There were other factors involved, too. The trim, being made of either oak or chestnut and also being from about 1927, is as hard as a rock, and a light sanding is not going to do the trick. I may have to resort to a gentle power sander (do they still make the Mouse?) for the flat areas to save my wrists. But now I know. I'm in color-lock for painting, so I'll whack out the last little bit of trim in the bathroom instead. I didn't have lining fabric for the curtains. Mom rescued me on that with a hunk of muslin she bought for another project, but doesn't need after all. They'll be an afternoon's work. (Two big rectangles, my kind of sewing. It's more work getting the damn machine out than doing the actual sewing.)

Finishing the hat? Probably not, as I started over. I had begun with silk, which looked wonderful, but I realized would grow and grow and grow. Take Two is with a "Rare Gems" skein of Socks That Rock. All hype aside, I love that yarn. It's a pleasure to work with, and it will make a much better hat.

And today, since I decided I wanted to do things today that I wanted to be sure I did more often this year, I began by having a decent breakfast, working on my hat, moisturizing thoroughly (that is a regular habit...I've always had dry, dry skin), and then took a walk. I made a quick trip out to the dreaded mall to reload the moisturizer supply (yes, I use one of those fancy department-store brands...I also have very sensitive skin). Came home and worked on Dad's sweater a little. (It starts with 236 stitches and increases after the ribbing.)

After that, I managed to accomplish one of the things on my list: I sat down at my wheel, and began spinning. I had no illusions about finishing anything here, as we're talking about two pounds of fiber (more details next post...I even have pictures). But I haven't spun in I don't remember how long, and today I went for a good hour and a half before my back complained. How do I know it was 90 minutes? I had "The Holy Grail" in the DVD player while I spun.

I plan to laugh more this year, too, and that was a great way to kick off what I hope will be the easiest resolution to keep.

So this is Christmas...

and I hope it is a merry, peaceful, warm, joyful one for all. This end of the family met at my sister's house for dinner (defined as the afternoon meal), so I'm already home with a full belly and some lovely gifts, not the least of which is some natural yarn from my BIL's cousin's sheep, from their farm in Vermont, spun by Green Mountain Spinnery. Four skeins, two of that lovely natural creamy color, one grey, and one dark brown. (Mindy, if you're reading this, it's dark like the fleece I bought at Rhinebeck!)

Mitzie received a new bed for the holiday and has pretty much spent yesterday and today in it. As in, all of both days. I think she would eat and drink from it if she could reach. Some folks asked how she managed to dislocate her hip; I don't really know. My best guess is that she was jumping to or from her latest favorite spot (on top of my kitchen cabinets) and miscalculated somewhere on the trip. Now that she has a comfy new bed, she doesn't seem to mind being in the crate much at all. She had the pillow from her basket in there before, but it's meant to be in the basket, which provides the side-bumpers. Therefore, without the basket, she kept sliding off it. This is much better.

So once I hit "publish," I plan to put on fresh PJs, pick up my sister's Hemlock Ring throw (which is going SO MUCH easier this time, it makes me wonder if I was briefly functionally illiterate the last time I tried) and knit until I decide to go to bed. I left the house with a whole pie of one kind this morning, and came back with a whole pie of three kinds, so I think I'm all set there, too. Be well, everyone.

Down to the Wire

There's five days until Christmas (in case you were wondering). I finished my Eastlake sweater and the Pastaza sweater; the next time I make it, I need to do something about the sleeves. The pattern calls for a rolled-up cuff, and I don't like it. But if you leave the cuff unrolled, you get a very wide edge. It's not awful, but I'm not enamored of it. I want to cast on fewer stitches, and then monkey with the rate of increase to have the correct number for the beginning of the yoke. Shouldn't be too hard. Hopefully I'll remember I want to do this when the time comes. Post-it note, need to find a Post-it note.

One thumb left on my niece's mittens. It's an easy pattern, but since it's knit at a pretty firm gauge, it's tiring on the hands. I may still finish it tonight. I'm a little tired of brown yarn today, though. Many thanks to Michael Palin and two episodes of his "Great Railway Journeys" that got me through most of the right hand.

Cast on for my sister's Hemlock Ring Doily Throw. Now, there's no way on this green earth that it'll be done for Friday, and I know it. I knew it never would be after I ripped out the first attempt. I'm up to round 16 and I like this SO much better. I can see what I'm doing and the yarn is better suited to the project. Someday it'll probably end up felted, and if it happens, I'll make another.

Haven't cast on for Dad's sweater yet, but that's OK too. We'll have our Christmas next Monday, so there's time.

In non-knitting news, last week was quite dramatic in the cat department. Mitzie somehow managed to dislocate her hip. Two nights at the hospital, two x-rays, lots of painkillers, and one night of near-panic for me (as soon as the vet mentioned "possible need for an orthopedic surgeon" I started to cry...I simply can't afford something like that) later, she's back to her old self. Mostly. She's crated when I'm not around to watch her. If I'm here, I let her sleep on the couch or the comfy chair (and she's sleeping a lot) so I can stop her if she tries to jump down. But back in the crate she goes if I need to go upstairs or to the store or something. She doesn't love it, but there's no way around it. (It's a wire dog crate, by the way, not a travel carrier.)

Oh yeah, the day after the snow day was the annual winter concert with my advanced band and 4th/5th grade chorus. My band is small but mighty, and I have a tuba-playing former student who comes back to provide the bass line. The chorus collectively got a case of the heebie-jeebies that night, but we made it and got many compliments. My exhortations to "Dig out! Dig out!" during rehearsals served us well. (It means "Figure out where the hell you are, compared to where the hell the rest of us are and GET BACK IN!") If nothing else, I train flexible musicians.

If I don't check in again before Christmas, I hope my readers have a joyful and peaceful holiday season. I've already missed Hanukkah and probably others, but a wish for peace seems to fit no matter what the occasion.

Snow Day!!!

It started as a two-hour delay, and about an hour later they called the whole thing off. I would guess we have about 3-4" of snow, which isn't what closed things down; it's the layer of sleet and freezing rain on top of it. Purl Street hasn't been plowed (7:52), so I'm sure the roads out in the hinterlands are in even worse shape. Hill roads aren't reliably paved here, and many of them lack a shoulder (and the space to have one...on your right, we have a hill, and on your left, we have the drop-off to the hollow). I am a happy girl today.

So: there's two sticks of butter on the counter coming to room temperature so I can make a batch of buttermilk biscuits and a large loaf of white bread, half of which I'll take to school tomorrow. There's the neck-trim stitches to be bound off on my Eastlake sweater, some more mileage to be put on a sweater my dad will give as a gift (in Cascade Pastaza, an old Bernat pattern from 1985. It's a no-button cardigan, with a twisted-stitch yoke and raglan shaping. The original calls for the bottom part of the body to the armholes to be 21 1/2 inches. Hah. Sixteen is plenty. It's a nice pattern, though, and goes quickly.

Speaking of going quickly, there's also Bella's Mittens for my niece. One is finished, and they go fast. They're knit in chunky yarn with smaller-than-you'd-expect needles for a nice dense fabric. They're nearly elbow-length, which is perfect for my niece; I think she only wears t-shirts no matter the weather. (At Thanksgiving, she noticed that my thermostat was set at a whopping 67. I said I had turned it up for her and to put on a sweatshirt. She declined. Oh well.) I may make a pair for myself, but just a little shorter.

And of course there are two projects not yet begun, but if they're not finished for Christmas, it'll be OK. There's a sweater for Dad in Berroco Vintage, a nice superwash blend. He sheepishly admitted that he felted that last one I made for him. This one's an old Interweave Knits pattern, a knit-purl patterned gansey-looking thing. For my sister, there will be a Hemlock Ring Doily blanket. I had started this a while ago also in Vintage, but on 10 1/2s, I didn't like the fabric. It was too loose and sleazy between the large needles and the superwash yarn. So instead, I went back to the yarn suggested in the pattern,Cascade Ecological Wool. $15 a skein, two sekins needed. Can't beat that with a stick.

Hmmm, can I link to anything else? I didn't feel it was right to tell you about my fab gift-knitting and not provide sources. Who knows, you may have been looking for just the thing. Oh, the Pastaza link? I am using one of the discontinued colors, so the price is correct. There's other, non-discontinued colors for regular price. I think Berroco is doing some great things lately; props to Norah Gaughan. If you really want to know which IK Dad's sweater is, let me know and I'll go find it. Currently, I am too lazy to go upstairs. It's pre-Melanie Falick, if that's any indication. Mid-90's, I think.

And now, enough blogging...time to get knitting on this beautiful bonus day.

And One More Thing...

I'm going to blame some of this ennui on PBS (I may have mentioned this before). EVERY DAMN TIME I feel a downturn in my mood, there's a freakin' pledge drive on. Coindence? I think not. I need "Antiques Roadshow" and "Secrets of the Dead" and "Craft in America," dammit! Andrei Rieu, Doo-Wop 3784, and Lawrence Welk's Greatest Hits are NOT CUTTING IT.

There. I feel better already.

A Random Act of Blogging

Oy. Busy busy, but that's not any different than anyone else reading this. I'm going to attempt a catch-up.

1. Rhinebeck: everything I hoped it would be, with the possible exception of ten degrees warmer. August in October is not necessary, but neither is early December.

2. House: looking ever-more like a home instead of a construction-waste and plastic-bin dumping ground. There's just one bin of things without a spot, and once I get a desk and another bookshelf, that should be that.

3. More House: There is one futon mattress on the trundle bed, and another will be on its way in a paycheck or two. They aren't fancy (no springs), but since they won't be in regular use, I figured they'd be fine. Besides, have you priced 6" deep twin-sized spring mattresses lately??? Also, there is a bed frame in the other spare bedroom. No mattress there yet either, but it was a purchase I couldn't pass up. Picture soon, with any luck. (Also, mattress soon, with any luck.)

4. Yet More House: There's curtains on almost every window now (the valances and shades have been up); it finally occurred to me that the tiered panels I used while living in Apartmentia would probably work rather well on the bottom halves on the windows. And they do. A little more privacy, and a little more light-filtering. It's a nice effect. I've also found fabric to do the office window, but that probably won't happen until Christmas break. That's OK; at least it's here. I prefer to do a whole big whack of sewing once I get the machine out.

5. Thanksgiving: I had it here. Being able to host my family for the first time in two years was delightful and bittersweet at the same time. Amazingly, the last Thanksgiving I prepared in its (almost) entirety was just before I got divorced, and we were both still in the house at the time. Apartmentia was too small to have more than one or two other people over at any given time. So....wow. I wasn't expecting to feel sad about it, but it passed. The fact that there were three kinds of pie to squash any extraneous feelings down probably didn't hurt either.

6. Fiber-related: almost no spinning has happened in about two months. This saddens me also. Christmas knitting is in full swing, but there were a couple of false starts. Hopefully we shall charge ahead starting NOW. There's also two pots of onion-skin juice sitting on the stove waiting for jars. I'm thinking that if I make some dye extracts as I get the chance to, when I have more time (see above, "Christmas break"), it should facilitate the actual dyeing. I'd like to get an indigo vat going again, too. Indigo is magic, no matter how many times you see it happen. (Sorry folks, I use indigo crystals. I'm not THAT much into authenticity.)

7. Health-related: yeesh. I think I've been on a round of antibiotics monthly since school started. I've not been sick enough to be SICK, but enough to put a damper on a lot of things. The kids at school got hit hard; it seems to have tapered off. We're afraid of Round Two, though. On the mental health side, both meds seem to be working for the most part, but mornings are getting increasingly difficult. It doesn't help that I live in the Northeast; we aren't known for abundant sunshine at any time of year, and now it's dark by about 5:00. Also, I've never exactly been a morning person. I don't mind being a little cranky in the morning, but waking up anxious and self-doubting is not my definition of "cranky." I take one Wellbutrin XLR in the morning when I get up, and I'm wondering if it's totally worn off by the next morning. I wouldn't be surprised if there were an uptick in the dose shortly. As usual, on the one hand, I know that if it helps me feel better and function better, it's a good thing and who gives a crap that it's more medication. On the other, it's a little hard to avoid feeling like things must be getting worse, or I wouldn't NEED more medication. I want to be one of those people who can taper off and return to the non-medicated life and still be OK. But that doesn't look like part of the plan just yet.

So there's at least the quick and dirty. Off to put a dent in one item of gift-knitting...