Thursday, August 27, 2009

One of those mornings.

Warning: there's a fair amount of whine in this post. You may want to move along.

While I don't expect instant healing from this wisdom tooth extraction, waking up in a certain level of pain for the last three days is not what I had in mind, either. I almost wish I could wake myself up at about 2:00 AM and take another pain killer so that first thing in the morning isn't so bad. Twelve hours in between doses is just enough to make me rather unhappy when I get up, and then it takes an hour for the first dose of the day to kick in. After that, I'm fine. It's hard to start a day like this, though.

I should be grateful that I'm in my very own house, with a fine and sturdy roof over my head. But mostly I'm pissed that my whole summer has been interrupted by the bathroom debacle. Nothing about this experience is what I had hoped it would be. First I had to go through an absolute nightmare of a mortgage process, which threw my entire spring into chaos. (And if you think I'm exaggerating, try to imagine living out of a suitcase, a carry-on, and a laundry basket for the last two-read BUSIEST-months of school, not having any idea of when, or if, it would conclude.) Getting in here was supposed to be a relief. The very first night I lived here, the bathroom decided to make its appearance through the ceiling, and there went that plan. My house doesn't feel like mine yet. Three rooms are in total disorder. I've had someone else in here banging around almost every day that I've lived here (and you know how delighted I am with my plumbers...but still...). The money I had hoped to use for some little things around here (changing out the cheapass light fixtures and such), plus a considerable amount more, has gone to replace something that was supposed to be done already. It's been very difficult not to think I've been sold a bill of goods.

But the worst part is still not feeling settled. Five months of being on some sort of edge or holding pattern. This was the summer I was finally going to be able to expand, and let out the breath I've been holding for way too long, and move forward. Instead, I seem to be marking time some more.

I go back to work next week, essentially. I only have to be there for one day, but that's never enough time to prepare, so of course it means more than one day. My room at school will be more organized and tidy than my own home, and that just adds to the resentment. I wanted home to be as squared away as possible. It didn't have to be all painted the way I wanted, or landscaped, or anything like that. I wanted everything unpacked that needed to be unpacked, everything working. But no. It looks like I'll still be showering at Mom's in the morning before I go to work, adding a layer of inconvenience that I just don't need. I'll be working evenings and weekends getting things concluded that should have been finished this summer. I can't seem to fall into a routine that works, and routine, for better or for worse, is comforting. I could use some of that. I've had enough of seeing where the day will take me, because lately, it has only taken me further down an unknown path.


booksNyarn said...

I haven't caught up on all your stories yet - but it seems it has been quite a debacle these last months! I do hope the wrinkles finally smooth as each day passes.

Marcy said...

I had a dream last night that our bathtub was stolen. I confess my dream state thought "It had to have been Barb. She needed a tub!"

Disorder and chaos are good to have lived through. In a years time everything will be better.

Anonymous said...

Ooooh, I wish you peace. And routine. And a feeling of being settled. I've been living through a different kind of chaos that will hopefully change next month- I keep feeling like I'm waiting to live.

Hope your mouth is feeling better very soon, too.