A Pop Quiz.

What emotional response would be elicited upon reading the following statement:

"We're aiming to wrap this up by July 2nd."

a) relief followed by excitement
b) frustration followed by resignation
c) murderous rage

Loyal readers will be able to predict my choice.

Yeah, whatever.

if I ran my classroom like these baboons run their mortgage company, I would have been fired five years ago.

I don't mind that the mortgage was approved with conditions; things like that happen. It's just that each condition has been presented individually, strung out over the last three weeks, as close to the last minute as possible. At the same time, I get calls at work alerting me that Something Must Be Faxed! It Is Needed Now! The Sooner, The Better! Never mind that pesky full-time job with small children running around that prevents me from jumping through the hoop of the day immediately, just get it done.

The hot water issue has been clarified. Now it's the previous (bad) appraisal; don't ask me what bearing at all this has on the current mortgage, since I had to start everything all over again from scratch. Also don't ask me why this little detail, which shows up on the underwriter's decision paperwork as of May 20th, hasn't ever been approached before today, a full month plus five days past.

All I know for sure is that my divorce was smoother and more pleasant than this experience could ever hope to have been.

Even Becky Sounds Optimistic

The "clear to close" should come through Thursday (tomorrow) morning. If that's the case, I will close on Friday.

(keep breathing, keep breathing, keep breathing...)

Cautious Optimism is Afoot.

There is a possibility that maybe I will close on Friday.

*facepalm*

Here's the latest (and apparently, ONLY) thing holding up closing:

The seller turned the hot water heater off after my inspection in February. No big surprise; why pay to heat hot water in an empty house, right? So why do I bother mentioning it? I wouldn't...

except he didn't turn it back ON for the appraisal. The house is also unoccupied, and therefore, the appraiser dinged it as a problem, and the underwriters won't approve the mortgage until it is glaringly apparent that I do indeed, have a functioning water heater as part of the deal.

Alright, so all the seller needs to do is turn it back on, right? Right...

except the original appraiser has to come down from Rochester (two hours away) to give the official okey-dokey. And once that's done, all I can do is hope that the underwriters get on it quickly, though that word doesn't seem to be in their collective vocabulary.

Oh, and this question of the water heater came up about three and a half weeks ago. A silly mistake that will take all of five minutes to rectify will cause me to live out my suitcases and board my cat for an extra two weeks because they couldn't be bothered to mention it to us when they knew. Everything else that can approved ahead of time has been approved as of June 9th, if I read the underwriters' report correctly. So if this had been straightened out when it came up, I could have closed this week...not two weeks from now. Some folks will read this and say, what's the big deal about two weeks? Closings rarely happen on time. Please remember that I was originally supposed to close on April 3rd, so we're coming up on three extra MONTHS, not weeks.

I do have some hope, as Becky My Favorite Real Estate Assistant (and I'm not kidding at all, she has been amazing throughout this process) is even saying we should be able to close as soon as this is done. And Becky is pretty cynical about these guys right now too..she wouldn't say it if she didn't mean it.

I'd better go back and read my previous posts before my head explodes.

Bottom line.

Probably not, but it makes for a good subject line, I think.

Marcy asked a question in the last post's comments. She asked what else I needed other than a mortgage right about now. Do you mean other than a mortgage plus fortnight on a Greek island with breezy, sunny days and cool, clear nights, surrounded by Adonis stand-ins, Marcy? Really, I think that's a given.

But seriously, while this whole process has been unbelievably frustrating to the point of demoralizing, the bottom line is that I don't need much more than what I already have. I had serious worries about where I would live, but it's worked out. My cat is happy and safe and apparently holding court where she is. My mom makes supper for me when I get home from work. My mail is arriving regularly (that's another story...), as are my paychecks (although there's only one left until September). I can even hit someone's wireless network here so I can blog and Facebook and IM as I desire. I have knitting with me, and my wheel.

I guess the biggest thing I would ask for now is conclusion. I've been a described as (and I take this as a compliment, even though the person who did the describing is not high on my list) an artist who has her shit together. I love process and at the same time, I dislike dangling ends. I finish what I begin. And by the way, I prefer to be in charge of the process. What I've been through with this mortgage fiasco is completely the opposite of the way I prefer to function, and I have no way to influence the process. I've offered to bake cookies, give a vial of blood; I've cried, I've yelled, I've made almost-daily phone calls (which I stand by...I truly think it's the only way we've kept Mr. Mortgage moving along). Except for that last one, nothing I've done has made an impact. And I don't like to be ignored.

A hallmark of my personality is the ability to make pretty much anything...well, personal. I don't go into many things halfway, and when you put that much of yourself into things, it's nearly impossible to detach from them. Doing it in my job is a good thing. Trying to do it with a sizable bureaucracy (as well as with several smaller ones) is folly, and someday I will learn the difference. (I think that may be part of growing up. Damn.) I've started; I realize that there's very little I can do to control what comes in. I feel like a radio receiver that doesn't turn off. However, I can control which stations I decide to fully tune in. It's not the same as rejection; it's thoughtful selection, and that isn't a character flaw. Not if I'm going to survive the ups and downs of life in more or less one piece, it isn't.

So, in the immortal words of the affirmation taped to my laptop, "My life continues to get better and better. I now move into my greater good." And if I'm really lucky, my greater good will include a Greek island...

An Object Lesson in Impermanence

In other words, my life in the past month. I've been living out of a few suitcases since mid-May, first at my friend's place, and now at my mom's. My friend had rented her rooms out for the GAS Conference previously, so all of us halfway-house residents have bugged out for the week. I'm bunking at Mom's, in her one-bedroom apartment. We'll be OK for a week. Also, things on the mortgage front are looking positive for the first time since approximately spring break, which is about seven weeks ago now. If I'm still not in the house by the end of the week, I can go back to my friend's and have my own space again, as well as springing my cat from the cooler.

It's not easy, bouncing from place to place. I woke up this morning wondering what bag my shoes were in. I haven't lived with a parent since I graduated from college. I'm having a health insurance issue (translated: the doctor's office needs to get their finger out), and I can't get to my filing cabinet where my insurance information is. But what it comes down to is, either way, whatever the end of the week brings, I'm OK. I'm safe. I have a roof over my head, a mom who cooks supper for me, and friends in all corners who are pulling for me. The mortgage guy may be an ass, and the mortgage industry may be a dismal quagmire, but I have far more people rooting for me and supporting me than one silly man and one silly business can overwhelm. Pretty neat, eh?

(I'd still really enjoy getting the OK to close this week, though...)